Story told to me on a recent cycling related course: A couple of guys from the training centre were flying back from a cycle show, weighed down with the usual freebies of new products. One of these was a sample of a cycle degreaser.
This liquid was more than 100ml which is air-travel heresy. On top of that it is a suspicious dayglo blue. The last straw was the name - for which click here.
They were delayed in the terminal for some time.
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Against the tide
Recently I read a Jeremy Clarkson column in which he was bitching about being tormented by a white van man.
Clarkson, it seems, was driving a Rolls Royce toward London - when white van man spotted this symbol of conspicuous consumption in his rear view mirror. The resentful tradesman decided that he would spoil the Roller's day by driving quite slowly, holding the middle of the road, and refusing to let the big car past.
Being the incarnation of Wind in the Willows Toad - this infuriated Clarkson.
The solution is perhaps not obvious - certainly not to a bully who likes speeding - but here it is. The Rolls Royce is reportedly a delightful place to be - whisper quiet, very comfortable and with a particularly fine sound system. The point is that white van man may have been able to stop Clarkson driving fast - but, being subject to commercial pressures, he would not have been able to drive anywhere near as slowly. Find some nice music, and waft along comfortably. Clarkson is a wealthy and potent fellow within his sphere - the film crew or meeting he was rushing too would have waited for him. He had a quirky power which his oafishness prevented him from seeing.
All of this is leading to the point of this post. Another piece of Ross wisdom given to you free, whether you want it or not.
How to walk through a crowd. It's common in London to meet a torrent of pushy commuters vomiting out of a station mouth, all going the opposite way to which you want to. If you're not careful you can get squeezed up against a wall, or perhaps into a gutter - most likely of all you end up in an endless succession of those funny little "I'll go left, no right, no you go left..." dances we have with someone coming directly towards you. The trick I have discovered is not to look at people and to walk exaggeratedly slowly. This give you an illusion of solidity and the oncoming tide will flow around you as if you were a lamp post. Walking slowly turns out to take less time - the flood will pass.
Clarkson, it seems, was driving a Rolls Royce toward London - when white van man spotted this symbol of conspicuous consumption in his rear view mirror. The resentful tradesman decided that he would spoil the Roller's day by driving quite slowly, holding the middle of the road, and refusing to let the big car past.
Being the incarnation of Wind in the Willows Toad - this infuriated Clarkson.
The solution is perhaps not obvious - certainly not to a bully who likes speeding - but here it is. The Rolls Royce is reportedly a delightful place to be - whisper quiet, very comfortable and with a particularly fine sound system. The point is that white van man may have been able to stop Clarkson driving fast - but, being subject to commercial pressures, he would not have been able to drive anywhere near as slowly. Find some nice music, and waft along comfortably. Clarkson is a wealthy and potent fellow within his sphere - the film crew or meeting he was rushing too would have waited for him. He had a quirky power which his oafishness prevented him from seeing.
All of this is leading to the point of this post. Another piece of Ross wisdom given to you free, whether you want it or not.
How to walk through a crowd. It's common in London to meet a torrent of pushy commuters vomiting out of a station mouth, all going the opposite way to which you want to. If you're not careful you can get squeezed up against a wall, or perhaps into a gutter - most likely of all you end up in an endless succession of those funny little "I'll go left, no right, no you go left..." dances we have with someone coming directly towards you. The trick I have discovered is not to look at people and to walk exaggeratedly slowly. This give you an illusion of solidity and the oncoming tide will flow around you as if you were a lamp post. Walking slowly turns out to take less time - the flood will pass.
Big Up
My children often change radios from Radio 4 to Radio 1, or worse still to local commercial stations - and then *leave them there*. This makes me listen to brief bursts of these stations by accident.
Recently I heard a DJ, in response to a caller from Luton, say "that's a big up to the Luton massive". No - really - he did say that.
After some effort I believe that I have translated this correctly to:
"I acknowledge, accept and indeed support your belief that the shitty, drab and slightly hopeless town you live in is somehow of remark and indeed is a reflection of your being worthy of fame and admiration - however pathetic, delusional and indeed slightly harmful your self-deception may be."
---
"a big up to the Luton massive", while still a rancid sputtering of diarrhoea, has the advantage of being shorter
Recently I heard a DJ, in response to a caller from Luton, say "that's a big up to the Luton massive". No - really - he did say that.
After some effort I believe that I have translated this correctly to:
"I acknowledge, accept and indeed support your belief that the shitty, drab and slightly hopeless town you live in is somehow of remark and indeed is a reflection of your being worthy of fame and admiration - however pathetic, delusional and indeed slightly harmful your self-deception may be."
---
"a big up to the Luton massive", while still a rancid sputtering of diarrhoea, has the advantage of being shorter
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Friday, February 12, 2010
Subliminal
Approval by original video owners is unlikely, so this will never appear on Youtube, so here it is:
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